You Can't Win 'Em All! Episode 2
by TheMortalSlab
Summary: As Ash and the gang attempt to thwart Team Galactic's latest plan, they end up eating the wrong end of a fork full of poo...


**Me no Nintendo, no Nintendo is me. If you think otherwise, I laugh at thee.**

**Narrator:**

**When we last left our heroes, they had just infiltrated Team Galactic's Headquarters to attempt to thwart their latest plan of world recreation. Unfortunately, Team Rocket stole all their Pokémon! How will they get out of _this_ mess?**

**"Ssssh. Let's go," declared Ash, as Dawn and Brock followed, sneaking about the private premises like two blind people arguing over cheese. They began scanning the area for any possible threats, but found none. In fact, their headquarters seemed desolate; almost _too_ desolate.**

**"Uuugh, I can't believe I let Team Rocket steal my Pokémon!" Ash said with a punch to the wall. "I was so stupid! How could I have fallen for another one of their tricks!" he said as a tear fell down his face.**

**"It's okay (SEE WHAT I DID THERE? I ACTUALLY SPELLED THE WORD "OKAY", NOT LIKE ASSHOLES THAT JUST PUT "OK". "OK" IS NOT A WORD LAST TIME I CHECKED. CASE-IN-POINT: FUCK PEOPLE WHO ARE TOO DAMN LAZY TO TYPE TWO EXTRA LETTERS!), we all fell for their trick, and now we have no Pokémon to help protect us." said Dawn rather calmly. "We just have to focus on how we're going to get out of here."**

**"No, we've come too far to turn back now. I'll stop Team Galactic, or die trying." said Ash valiantly.**

**"ARE YOU MAD, MAN?" Dawn screamed at the ballsy airhead. Just then, a gaggle of Galactic geese rose from the shadows, and began to surround the Horse of Justice. As the gang was tied up, Charon began to explain their latest plan:**

**"You see, the reason we haven't created a new universe yet is because we've not yet taken it by surprise. The Horse of Justice, or 'Project: Horse', is a new twist on an old tactic. _This _time, when we open the portal to the new universe, we will all be encased within this giant metallic horse. When the portal begins to get curious, it will float over near the horse. Its guard will be down, and we will all burst out of the structure, jumping into the portal, and thereby tricking a celestial doorway into another universe. You understand, I'm sure," Charon said, as he turned to see all three of them asleep. "HEY! Weren't you listening?" he screamed. "You bastards care more about sleep than your demise!"**

**"Uh, I wasn't sleeping," said Brock, with a bit of an angry look plastered across his face.**

**"Oh, are you blind, or something?" asked Charon, puzzled at the young man that sat before him.**

**"How dare you! Pardon my French, but I would shove a splintery stick up your asshole, if it wasn't for the fact that I am tied up against my will!" Brock proclaimed, angering Charon.**

**"Well, you'll be the first to die!" Charon screamed, as Ash and Dawn awoke from their short slumber. Saturn called out his Toxicroak and, with a swift Night Slash, slit Brock's throat, and danced an Irish Jig for such an easy victory.**

**"That's enough, Toxicroak, return." Saturn said, as he recalled his Pokémon.**

**"BROCK!" Ash and Dawn screamed, as they saw their gateway to food begin to turn into a crimson abomination. His body was now caked in blood, and the painful groans quickly stopped.**

**Brock was dead.**

**They both began crying as though they just saw their parents (or in this case, their moms) get shot, as Charon laughed with a complete lack of remorse. "Don't cry, you'll see him again soon enough."**

**"How much of a heart must you lack to be such a dirty bastard?" Ash asked Charon, with a trembling voice.**

**"You'll see," claimed Charon, as he returned to his computer. As his back was turned, Ash began to cut his rope with his pocket knife, which he apparently had this whole time.**

**He then leapt up, and proclaimed, "A vast, ye! Thoust must be slain to save Lady Universe!" With pocket knife in hand, he began charging at Charon. As he was within throwing range, Saturn slapped the pocket knife away, only to have it fly directly into Dawn's face.**

**"DAAAAAAAAAWN!" Ash screamed, coming to the realization that he now has no friends. He almost felt compassion, but his manliness prevented him from doing so. He was now without a legible weapon, and had virtually no chance of survival, unless…**

**"Hey kid," came a voice from within the shadows. It was the one and only Team Rocket! In their hands were all of Ash's Pokéballs, "catch!" They returned all of his Pokémon, since they had plenty, now that Dawn and Brock were dead, and they made their less-than-valiant escape.**

**"Alright, now for some good old-fashioned ass-whuppin!" Ash said with a glimmer in his eyes. He called out all of his Pokémon, and ordered them protect him as he destroyed their glorious metallic horse. Unfortunately, everything he tried failed, and left him in a weakened daze.**

**Even more unfortunately, Pikachu, in a euphoric state with both a blood lust and heroin running through his veins, began to shoot Thunderbolts at the main power generator, thus overheating it, and causing it to explode. There was nothing left but the charred remains of everyone within the foundation during the time of its demise.**

**Except for Ash.**

**Yes, it seems the horse was made out of Titanium, a matter that is impervious to explosions, as we learned in the previous episode, and Ash, out of desperation, attempted to destroy it from the inside at the time of the explosion. With wide eyes, he escaped the horsecraft, and proclaimed with a sigh, "Well, I guess you can't win 'em all!"**

**With those words, Ash left Team Galactic's headquarters with the sun shining and a smile on his face. He skipped along happily back to Veilstone City and began singing:**

**I'm so happy!**  
**AHA! Happy go lucky me!**  
**I just go my way,**  
**living everyday!**

**I don't worry!**  
**Worrying don't agree,**  
**Things that bother you,**  
**never bother me!**

**Things that bother you,**  
**never bother me**  
**I feel happy and fine!**  
**AHA!**  
**Living in the sunlight,**  
**loving in the moonlight**  
**Having a wonderful time!**

**Haven't got a lot,**  
**I don't need a lot**  
**Coffee's only a dime**  
**Living in the sunlight,**  
**loving in the moonlight,**  
**having a wonderful time!**

**Just take it from me,**  
**I'm just as free as any daughter.**  
**I do what I like,**  
**just what I like,**  
**and how I love it!**

**I'm right here to stay**  
**When I'm old and gray,**  
**I'll be right in my prime!**  
**Living in the sunlight,**  
**loving in the moonlight,**  
**having a wonderful time!**

**(humming)**

**Just take it from me,**  
**I'm just as free as any daughter.**  
**I do what I like,**  
**just what I like,**  
**and how I love it!**

**I'm right here to stay,**  
**When I'm old and gray,**  
**I'll be right in my prime,**  
**Living in the sunlight,**  
**loving in the moonlight,**  
**Having a wonderful time!**

**To read Episode 3 (and why would you?), you'll have to go to my profile, cuz it WON'T FUCKING UPLOAD TO THE MAIN LIST!**


End file.
